Introduction- basic
guide to anal sex
For many people, anal
sex is the ultimate taboo. Buttfucking makes it sound crude and dirty, sodomy
sounds technical. In the 1990's, anal sex has been given the bad rap because
HIV, the virus that causes Aids, is most easily transmitted by anal intercourse.
But some people love
anal sex. Others hate it. Others haven't tried it yet and are curious. And many
people are attracted to it precisely because it's so taboo and mysterious.
What is analingus?
One other part of the
body that some people enjoy licking, or having licked, is the anus. The anus
has half the nerve endings in the pelvic region and many people find touching
it to be sexually arousing. Although we haven't mentioned safer sex yet as part
of this series, we will here: the anus and rectum carry many diseases that live
quite benignly in your lower digestive tract, but which can be harmful in
your mouth or stomach.
Performing anilingus is a very risky behavior for a variety of bacterial
infections. Refer to the section on safer sex techniques for ways to protect
yourself if you or your partner enjoys this activity.
Does anal sex hurt?
Anal sex should not
hurt. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong. With enough lubricant and enough
patience, it's entirely possible to enjoy anal sex as a safe and fulfilling part
of your sex life. However, some people may never like it, and if your lover is one
of those people, respect their limits. Don't force the idea upon them.
Can anal sex actually
give pleasure?
The pleasure of anal
sex is derived from many things. Doing something "nasty" appeals to
many people, especially about sex. Doing something different to spice up a sex
life that has become something of a bore can be part of it. And the physical
sensations available during anal sex are uniquely different from anything else.
The rectum is lined with nerve endings, some of which signal the brain to 'reward'
you with good feelings when stimulated. For men, the prostate gland can be a
source of powerful pleasure. And for a thrusting penis, the ring of the anus can
be a new and strong sensation to enjoy.
What do I need to have
anal sex?
The most important
pieces of advice anyone can give on anal sex are: lubricants, condoms, and
patience. The most commonly available lubricant is KY-Jelly, a greaseless,
odorless substance available at most
drug stores. Better lubricants include Astroglide, ID, Wet, or ForePlay, some
of which are available at better drug stores, and most of which are available
in some form at adult toy stores.
Do not buy
anything that is oil-based. Make sure the lubricant you buy is rated "condom
compatible." Nothing else will do. Oil-based lubricants such as Vaseline or
baby oil will destroy a condom long before you're done having sex. And many oil-based
sub-stances will coat the lining of the rectum, providing a haven for many potential
infections.
Do I have to use a
condom?
Even if you're sure
that both you and your partner are disease- free, you should still use a
condom. The rectum is home to lots of infectious bacteria that can cause
burning and urethritis of the penis. It will also help you clean up afterwards.
I'm worried that anal
sex will be messy.
Anal sex should not be
messy. Most first-timers fear that it will be, but most people can tell when
they have to go. A condom will help with cleanup, of course, and if you're
really concerned, a commercial enema, like Fleet, will help beforehand.
How do we prepare for
anal sex?
Patience is the third
and final thing you need to make anal sex possible. Initial penetration is
always the most difficult part of anal sex -- the anus is a tight ring of flesh
at the opening of the rectum designed to control the elimination of bodily waste.
It is partially under voluntary control, and partially reflexive to
stimulation. Your partner has to relax, and you have to go slow to coax it into
opening enough to receive your penis.
Start with a
well-lubricated finger or a slim (smaller than your penis) dildo. The dildo is
more realistic, but your fingers can flex and feel what they're doing inside her
ass. Slide one finger in slowly, letting her adjust to it. Take your finger all
the way out, then push it back in again. Give her anus time to get used to this
kind of activity. Then slide a second finger in. Consider how big your penis is
and realize
that two fingers is
probably enough.
What position should
we use for anal sex?
For actual
intercourse, picking a position can be important. Many women want to be on top,
to regulate how fast penetration occurs. Other like to lie on their stomachs,
or crouch doggy-style, or to be penetrated while lying on their sides.Choose what's best
before you start. As always, control
yourself. Take your time and use lots of lubricant. People who like anal sex
say that "too much lube is almost enough." Listen to her -- if she
tells you it starts to hurt, back off.
Eventually, a time
will come during your lovemaking where her anus will relax enough to allow the
head of your cock to 'pop' into her. If she is completely relaxed, that pop
should feel completely painless. Now just because you're inside her is no
reason to start pounding away like mad. Let her body adjust. Take your time.
Eventually you will both be ready for more.
Can I get pregnant
from anal sex?
It is not
technically possible to get pregnant from anal sex; there is no way for semen
to get from the rectal tract to the vaginal tract. However, anal sex is still
not a very good method of birth control. Semen leaking from the anus after
intercourse may drip across the perineum (the short stretch of
skin
separating vulva and anus) and cause what is known as a 'splash' conception. The
failure rate for this is surprisingly high! 8% of couples of who use anal sex
as a method of birth control have babies each year.
What if I
don't like it?
You may
find that anal sex just isn't for you. That's fine. Nothing says that you have
to indulge in something that doesn't make you feel good. *
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