There is a myth around that bigger is better in regard
to penises. This is analogous to ‘blondes have more fun’ or ‘you can never be
too thin or too rich’. In all cases, this refers to success, especially in the
bedroom. Bigger equates with more powerful, more forceful, more masculine and being
better in the sack. But this, we believe, is a ‘phallusy’.
A quick surf of the internet will demonstrate the hidden
(or not so hidden) desire of many men to have a larger penis. Literally
thousands of results come up (forgive us!) when you type ‘penis’ into your
search bar, and more than 99 per cent of these are advertisements similar to
the one quoted above. The average size of the erect penis, according to numerous
independent investigators, is about 14 centimeters and this varies much less
than the size of flaccid penises. (No, in case you’re wondering, it is not
predicted by the size of a man’s nose or feet or any other obvious clues.) In
contrast, the penis of a gorilla is only 5 centimeters long. At the other
extremes are the penises of pigs, which are 45 centimeters long, and those of humpback
whales, coming in at 3 meters! Despite wide interest in ‘12-inch
(30-centimetre) clubs’, the longest recorded human penis actually comes in at a
little longer, 33 centimeters (no, we’re not telling you who or where).
Researches has shown that interest in size occurs in
many parts of the globe, from Japan to the Caribbean. In the town of Komaki,
Central Japan, an ancient Shinto fertility rite is conducted regularly in which
a 2-metrehigh wooden phallus is paraded through town, while women hold
mini-models of the symbol and stroke and kiss the big tickler for good luck. In
the West Indies, cricketer Joel Garner, who stood 215 centimeters (7 feet) plus
in his socks, was once asked by a cheeky reporter if the size of his old fellow
was in proportion to his height. ‘No man,’ was the response. ‘If dat was the
case I’d be 16 feet tall.’ And so it goes . . .
In the Middle Ages in Europe, men of fashion wore long
pointed shoes to try to indicate to the ladies that they were especially
well-endowed beneath their codpieces. Church and state authorities tried in
vain to forbid the wearing of these early winkle-pickers. Some men emphasized
the message by wearing bells on their toes. A few guys who had tickets on
themselves had shoes so long the toes were tied to the owners’ belts, so they
could walk. Whether shaft length actually matched shoe length is not recorded .
. .
Codpieces too were more about size than keeping out chills.
They were originally prescribed by church authorities who thought men’s jackets
were becoming too short. But the codpieces got bigger and more ostentatious,
some men covered them with jewels (yes, we know that expression), others kept
their wallets there, and there was even a device that could attach a flagpole
to your cod-piece (giving new meaning to ‘raising the flag’). Certainly a good
codpiece could catch a lady’s eye, but it may have promised more than it could
deliver. The size of the erect penis is designed to get the job done, and the
job in question is to impregnate the woman and assure continuity of the
species. In the Kama Sutra, one of the oldest sex manuals, men are
divided into three classes based on penis size. (We’re not told who decided this,
or who did the classifying!) They are called the Hare, the Bull and the Horse. The Hare is not
longer than 5 inches (13 centimeters) in the erect state and has a sweet semen.
Its owner is calm and depicted as short and compact. The Bull is not longer than
7 inches (18 centimeters) and its owner is always hot to trot. He is described
physically as having a high forehead, large eyes and robust health. The Horse
is a whopping 10 inches (over 25 centimeters) with copious salty semen.
However, its owner is described as tall and large, slow and lazy, with only
sporadic interest in sex. The same text classifies women’s vaginas into three categories
based on size and claims that the best sex is when the size of the penis and
that of the vagina are similar. But in fact the vagina is an expansile organ designed
to adapt itself around the entering member. When a woman first starts to have
intercourse, there may be some pain and bleeding because the hymen, the ring of
tissue around the vaginal opening, has been torn or stretched and has to heal,
which can take a number of days. Using a lubricant like KY jelly or Astroglide
(or even baby oil) may help here. But beyond the hymen the vagina itself
consists of stretchy tissue which moulds around the penis, the two becoming basically
complementary in size to each other. After childbirth, the vagina does not
always return to its original degree of elasticity. However, it will still
mould to fit the erect penis, and pelvic floor exercises (Kegel’s) done
regularly will help to restore muscle strength and vaginal tone.
The size of a man’s equipment has little to do with how
good a lover he is; but how he uses it does. The writer Balzac said that ‘the
love-making of many men resembles a gorilla trying to play a violin’. But he
was living in the nineteenth century when this subject was not discussed in polite
society and women often thought of sex as something they had to put up with to
stay married. In the twenty-first century, frank discussion between partners about sexual wants and satisfaction
is widely accepted, in Western countries at least, as normal. A man who truly cares
about his partner’s responses and satisfaction and who gives her tenderness and
time is a far better lover than a man with a slightly larger penis who mechanically
goes through the sex manual motions, with little true concern for his partner.
And woe betide the man wit h the truly large penis—he may find that his organ
gives pain, rather than pleasure. Satisfying sex usually has little to do with the
size of the conjoined organs but everything to do with the sensitivity of each
partner to the other’s needs and desires. It is not an athletic sport, but
rather a manifestation of an intimate relationship.
As women, we may not be able to dispel completely the myth
that a large penis signifies great sexual prowess, but we can be sensitive to
our lovers’ fears of inadequacy in this department.
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