Thursday, October 25, 2012

Anal Pleasure for Men

Let me admit my bias about male anal pleasure right off the bat. Guys: getting fucked in the ass is one of the greatest gifts you can give a woman and yourself. First, there is the purely physical prize that awaits you when you are on the receiving end of anal pleasure: incredibly arousing prostate stimulation. Too many men still have not experienced the wonders of their prostate gland. For many of you, your first foray into the land of anal penetration probably took place in a sterile white room, on a paper-covered table. Your proctologist squeezed a lump of K-Y onto his latex-clad hand and shoved his finger up your ass. It wasn't erotic, it didn't feel particularly good, and you weren't even attracted to the guy. All this happened five minutes after words like "prostate cancer" and "rectal exam" were uttered. Some turn-on. Now you know how women feel at the gynecologist's. Put this experience out of your mind—it was a medical exam. I'm talking about mind-blowing sex.

But in order to have this mind-blowing sex, most men must first get over a lot of shame and fear and embrace all the ass has to offer: those nerve endings, that sensitive tissue, and the pleasures of the prostate. Remember, a few inches inside the rectum and toward his navel, the "male G-spot" and a world of ecstasy awaits.

Since anal pleasure is still taboo in American culture, anyone who admits to being a backdoor betty is on the front lines of sexual liberation. As women, since we are already positioned as the receptive, penetrated partner, we need only reorient ourselves to focus on the other orifice. The man, on the other hand, is the penetrator, the active partner, the pencil to her sharpener. Anal sex is a unique opportunity for men to be penetrated—the other side of the fence for those of you usually dishing it out. Giving your body over to a woman in a (w)hole new way requires extreme trust; plus, men must also confront some of the bag-gage that comes with a desire for anal pleasure. Reassure your-self that wanting to be a bend-over boyfriend does not make you gay, kinky, or immoral. Some men may feel particularly submissive when a woman "does" them; however, you don't have to be passive to be penetrated. I encourage you to work through any issues you may have about your sexual or gender role, and come out of an altogether different closet, along with other straight men who can proudly say, "I love getting fucked in the ass!"
Prostate stimulation may take some getting used to. Make sure to give your partner helpful hints about what kinds of stimulation feel the best. Realize also that when some men have their ass stimulated, they may lose their erection; no one is exactly sure why this happens. Don't be alarmed if it happens to you or your partner. A loss of erection could signal a man's fear or anxiety about being penetrated, and you may want to check in with your partner if you sense some physical or emotional dis-comfort. However, a man may also be having the time of his life and still have a less than rock-hard cock. It's okay, it just means your body is more focused on your ass than your cock at the moment. It may not happen every time you are penetrated, or it may change as you become aroused. Worrying about your loss of erection is not going to help it return or help you to have a good time. Relax, and let it do whatever it wants to do.

As women try out the role of active penetrator, we can slip our tongues, fingers, and (rubber) cocks inside our male lovers' bodies, learning how to give and get pleasure in a brand-new way. Being on the other side of the dick is a chance for women to have their own revolution, too. We can see how the other half does it, and experience our power as women in a new way. Since our anorectal anatomy is so similar, all the tips and techniques you read about in this article apply to both women and men. You can use your mouth, your fingers, or an anal-sex toy to penetrate your man's ass. Some couples, however, like to experience their anal pleasure with a strap-on dildo.

Strap-On Sex Tips

For many reasons, strapons are a great way to experience anal penetration. Dildos and harnesses mean that you can have a hands-free fuck, and use your mitts for other things. People also like the closeness (of body and mind) that a strap-on affords partners during penetration. With a strap-on, a woman can put her whole body behind the penetration, and feel what it's like to shoot from the hip, so to speak.

There is a growing selection of harnesses made of leather, vinyl, nylon webbing, and even denim; two of the best manufacturers of quality harnesses (who also do retail sales) are Stormy Leather in San Francisco and Asian Leather in Toronto, Canada. Your choice of material depends on how you want your harness to look and how much money you want to spend.

Harnesses come in several styles, and your selection should depend on both function and aesthetics. There is a basic triangle harness with one strap that fits between your legs; this harness tends to fit especially petite women the best. Because it fits like a G-string, the center strap rubs against your genitals, which may feel stimulating to some and annoying to others. There is a two-strapped harness with a triangle front which you wear like a jock strap; this style places the straps around your ass cheeks, leaving your vagina and ass easily accessible and free to be stimulated. People find that the two-strap harness tends to give them more control than the one strap model; the dildo moves around less and is easier to guide. Both of these triangle styles have a hole where you slip the dildo through, which rests against your pubic mound.

If you prefer something between you and the dildo, there is a two-strap harness with a piece of material behind the cock ring. This style (sometimes called the "Terra Firma" harness) also allows you to change the size of the cock ring, which is especially good if the dildo you are using is significantly smaller or larger than an average sized one. You also have a choice of fasteners on your harness, either buckles or D-rings. There are plenty of other styles, including those made to fit plus-sized women. See what fits you best and is easiest for you to adjust.

You want to choose a harness that fits you well—the snugger and more secure the better. I recommend that you try a few different styles on before you buy them, or if you order from a catalog, see what the return policy is. The majority of dildos will fit in a standard harness, as long as there is a flared base and the dildo isn't excessively large. For beginning anal players, I would recommend a smaller dildo to start out.

As a woman doing the penetration, you should experiment with different positions. I know that the first few times I fucked someone in the ass with a strap-on, I had the person in traditional doggie-style position for several reasons. Doggie style gives you a clear view of the butthole, so you can see exactly what you're doing, and the position allows for a good angle of penetration toward the prostate. It's also an easy position to get your balance, establish a rhythm, and get some good thrusting going. So, you may want to start out that way, but you can also try missionary (usually with legs over the shoulders) or man-on-top.

Learning how to skillfully wield a strap-on takes practice and patience. If you feel like the dildo is moving around too much or doesn't feel secure, then your harness isn't tight enough and you should adjust it. In the beginning, you may want to guide the dildo with your hand, which will give you more control of exactly where it's going. When your partner is ready for penetration, be gentle and go slowly. Press the tip of the well-lubricated dildo against his opening, and have him come back on it. This may help him feel less vulnerable, and will reassure you that you're not hurting him. Once you are inside him, and he's ready for some movement, begin slowly. You want to establish a thrusting motion with your hips, one that feels good to him and won't tire you out too quickly.

Women can enjoy penetrating men on many different levels. The trust and intimacy between partners can feel especially heightened and very arousing. The naughty, taboo aspects of both anal sex and a woman with a dick can really get her motor going. The power she feels as the penetrating partner can also add to her fantasy and pleasure. Women, you'll be happy to know that strap-on anal sex also has the potential to be physically stimulating for you.

There are several opportunities for women to get a little action themselves while they are giving it to their guys. For some women, when the base of the dildo rubs against the clitoris and vagina, there is enough friction there to feel fantastic. There is a textured silicone square made by Dils for Does called "The Magic Carpet," which you wear between the dildo and your pussy; its bumps and grooves give you extra stimulation in all the right places. I also want to add a plug for dildos with balls. Some women don't choose a dildo with balls simply because they pre-fer a more nonrealistic style. However, balls do more than make it look real; they extend the base of the dildo and cover more surface area—which means more for you to rub up against. Think about it.

If you'd like to add a vibrator to the equation, you have several options. You could select a vibrating dildo, which will deliver vibration to both you and your partner. You could try to don a wearable vibrator beneath your harness, but this may be awkward and interfere with the harness being tight enough. A better idea is the "Buzz Me" harness made by Stormy Leather and equipped with a pocket for a small vibrating egg. Or Vixen Creations has several dildos, among them "Treasure Chest" and "Bobby Sue," with hollowed-out bases. Stick a vibrating egg in the base of the dildo, tuck the battery pack in the side of your harness, and you're ready for vibrating action, his and hers style!

Perhaps you want something inside you while you put some-thing inside him; well, you can do that too. There are harnesses with two holes, one for the dildo to penetrate him with, another for a dildo pointing in your direction (made by Outrageous Creations and Stormy Leather). Stormy Leather makes a "harness cuff," which can transform a one hole harness into a two-hole harness. There are also double-headed dildos designed by Vixen and Tantus especially for one-hole harness use. The "Nexus" by Vixen is not an extra long jelly dong like you see in adult novelty stores. Instead, it's a two dildos-in-one package: you can have a dildo inside your vagina or your ass while simultaneously penetrating your partner. I just love sex-toy technology.

Congrats for being able to voice your fantasy out loud and tell your boyfriend. Some people think that it's just a very popular circus trick in porn, but there are real women who love to have both holes filled (and fucked) at once. My first piece of advice is that maybe the two of you should practice some double penetration before you invite a friend over. Begin at the beginning, with one well-lubed finger in each hole, and work your way up from there. Use lots and lots of lube, go slow, and see what kind of movement feels best.

When you are ready to graduate to something bigger, use a flexible vibrator or dildo in your ass as your boyfriend penetrates your vagina. Start out with both inside only part of the way, and gradually move farther as you feel ready. Communication is extremely important: you're testing the limits of your body, so make sure you give your man plenty of feedback about how it feels. Also realize that some women can easily and comfortably accommodate something of size in their pussy and in their ass. Others will take some effort, with lots of warm-up. But some women may not be able to do it at all, since double penetration really depends on your internal map, and if there's room for two. You are the one who will know best if it's possible, so make sure you're the one who's in charge and calling the shots. Work out the kinks on your dildo before you plan your threesome.

When you are ready to tackle two flesh cocks at once, again, use plenty of lube and go really slow. Depending on the size and height of all three of you, some positions will work better than others. You may want to straddle one man and have the other penetrate you from behind. Try to take one cock about halfway inside your pussy, then angle your body to take the other one in your ass. Both men should start with very shallow penetration, so you can get used to the feeling. Remember that porn stars make it look easy in adult movies, but they are seasoned professionals! You may be much more awkward your first time around.

P.S. After reading this article, one might very much enjoy and take benefit of the following post:
Cheers, Emmy


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  1. After reading this article, one might very much enjoy and take benefit of the following post:
    Cheers, Emmy

  2. Good article! I would also stress anal fingering, prostate massage, and analingus as the place to begin female-on-male anal play. They don't require anything extra besides water-based lubricant (like KY Jelly), and they are enormously pleasurable in their own right. If you are interested in anal toys like dildos and plugs, and strap-on sex, fingering is the place to begin. You need to open up and relax the receiver's anus.
    Also, before even getting to that point, consider the receiver having a few plain-water enemas, to rinse out the rectum. Both of you will feel more uninhibiting and confident. It also relaxes the receiver's anus and rectum which makes things go better.
    For links to information, as well as stories, artwork, and photos of female-on-male anal, check out


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