Million Ways of Pleasing Yourself

There are many ways to experiment with pleasing yourself. For both men and women, instant orgasm is about noticing and maximizing the initial burst of sensation that occurs when you first focus your attention on your genitals. So for the sake of these activities, we want you to feel the sensations for a second or so and then stop. You can repeat each exercise as often as you care to. The goal is to feel increased sensation from the get-go; the more often you do this, the better you will become at feeling from the first stroke. So start and stop, start and stop, and so on.

In the Tub or Shower

A good time to play with your sensations could be in a Jacuzzi or bathtub as you let the water flow over your genitals. The shower is another great place to experience some intentional instant pleasuring. You are naked, no one is around, and it is easy to focus on different parts of your body. You can start by feeling the air on your pleasure spots. Then you can feel the water from the showerhead against your genitals. Proceed in an on-and-off manner, for not too long—and see if you can become pleasured with just a little attention. You can touch yourself with the bar of soap or with your hand, just touching, not necessarily stroking. Feel the pleasure, and approve of what you feel. We predict that you will at least feel the beginnings of tingling sensations.

With a Water Hose

The water hose is a great accessory for women who are seriously interested in exploring their sensuality. The hose can be a simple rubber tube attached to the bathtub faucet. Some hoses come with a showerhead; you can simply cut off the spray portion and leave the small-bored water hose. Some tubs won’t fit a simple accessory; if that’s the case then you’ll have to go to the hardware store and get a special attachment. You can tell the salesperson that you want an attachment to hose off your pet in the tub. This small investment can go a long way.

Once you have obtained your hose, fill your tub with a few inches of warm water and play with the water flowing from the hose. For women, this is a great replacement for a vibrator, which can numb the nerves. Lying back, aim the hose at your vulva and clitoral area. Play with the pressure by either changing the amount of water released from the faucet or pinching the hose. This may take some getting used to, so please give this exercise more than one try. We know of many women who dearly love their baths.

Another water possibility is the bidet. Most European homes have one, but few American homes do. Some luxury hotels have them. The water temperature and pressure can be adjusted, and if you get into the right position you can aim the water flow directly at your most sensual areas. Whether you’re using a hose or a bidet, play with your initial feelings by aiming the water directly at the different areas of your genitals for only a short time. Check out your labia, your perineum, your anus, and of course your clitoris, with the hood both in place and retracted. See which areas spark the most sensation. Later you can graduate to keeping the water aimed at your genitals for longer amounts of time, but right now we are especially interested in getting you to feel more sensation from the very first, and slightest, moment of contact.

Using Fantasy

It is okay to fantasize if it heightens what you feel. This may work better for men, as most women have longer, more involved fantasies that take time to develop, and again the goal is to feel the sensation now and to feel it quickly. Furthermore, whereas women can turn on at will, men require a woman to become turned on, or they use some other force, such as a touch or a fantasy, if no woman is interested or available. A few paragraphs above we mentioned how men can feel pleasurable sensations in their genitals when they pass a pretty woman. Some men can also direct attention on their crotch when they see an attractive woman on TV. Many men will already have been doing this, as men are very visual and can fantasize easily. The point here is to do it deliberately, do it only for a few seconds, and then stop and repeat, if desired. We want you to gain more control over these sensations and to learn how to create them whenever you want to. Do not, of course, interact with a woman on the street when you are in this mode, as the goal is for you to feel, not to find a relationship. If finding a relationship is your goal then your attention must be placed elsewhere. Women, if you want to interact with some stranger on the street—which most women do not want to do—then it may be okay to place your attention on your pussy. However, this could get you into trouble, so, again, we do not recommend it.

With Your Hand (and Other Objects)

Another way to put attention on your genitals is to touch yourself. This is especially useful for men, who tend to require more direct stimulation. Touch yourself either through your clothes, or while naked, or with an additional barrier such as a pillow on top of your genital area. You can play with different amounts of hand pressure, or just allow yourself to feel the pressure of the pillow. You could also put the pillow between your legs and squeeze it. You may have heard of girls who get pleasure from riding a horse. Vera, who grew up in Europe, says that when she was around twelve years old she would ride the trains and would feel pleasure in her genitals from the vibration of the seat.

Our genitals are stocked with nerve endings, and a little bit of sensation can go a long way. I remember a history teacher who would put his leg over the back of a chair and rub his genitals back and forth as he talked. This may not be such a great idea these days, with all the fears about child molesters and indecent exposure; however, he was certainly enjoying himself, perhaps out of habit, and he may not even have known he was doing it. Nowadays he would probably be better off doing it in the privacy of his own home.

In the Bedroom

The privacy granted by your own bedroom makes it one of the best settings for touching yourself. You can use fantasy or not, depending on how you respond to it. You can use pornography, if that floats your boat, or just use mental images and ideas. Again, the goal is not to sustain the pleasure for any length of time but to feel as much as you can from the first placement of attention on your genitals. Men do not have to be erect to feel pleasure, and, in fact, the more mental pressure they put on themselves in this regard the more difficult it becomes to get hard. Women do not have to be steaming hot either; they just need to be in the feeling mode and to approve of all sensations. Again, you can do this through your clothes or naked, or start with your clothes on and then peel off your pants or skirt. Then touch yourself through your underwear, and eventually take those off, too. You do not need any lubricant for this exercise, as you are not stroking, just touching.

A useful idea, prior to touching yourself, is to first focus all your energy and attention on the area to be touched. Make that area ready, anticipating, and eager for any touch. Be experimental. Check out as many different types of touch as you can think of—from light to firm pressure, using only a fingertip, then your whole finger, then your whole hand. Touch a small area and then a larger area. Touch for a split second or longer, keeping the pressure on any pleasurable area of your genitals for as long as you like—that is, for as long as it keeps feeling wonderful.

For Guys

If you are a man, try putting your hand around your penis and giving yourself gentle squeezes, releasing and squeezing again. Again, this can be done directly on the skin or through your clothes. By doing it through your clothes you place less stress on yourself to take the pleasure to a certain place; you are just doing it for the fun of the moment. As we stated previously, an erection isn’t necessary; however, if one does occur that’s fine too. I’ve touched myself through my clothes without any expectations—just some repeated, gentle, one-second squeezes and releases. It feels so good that I often become erect and sometimes even leak a significant amount of semen. Although this is not an ejaculation, it might be even better than one. You can continue to squeeze or do other pleasurable things to your penis because you are not overly sensitized as you would be if you had fully ejaculated, in which case you would not want to continue being touched there. By stimulating yourself without ejaculating, if you were to have some fun in bed with another person later on, you would be easily aroused and would not have any discomfort. As men get older they generally do not ejaculate as often as men in their teens or twenties.

One ejaculation a day is enough for most, and even that might be pushing it for some men. When they have more ejaculations than their bodies can appreciate, men can actually feel pain or become desensitized. Merely touching for the pleasure of it, not stroking to reach ejaculation, is another way to appreciate sensuality. At some point in your training you may want to check out squeezing, with the addition of some lubricant.

As we have repeatedly stated, an erect penis is not necessary for experiencing a great deal of pleasure, except during intercourse. Nor is ejaculation necessary for orgasm (as we define it). Ejaculation is only the end of the orgasm, not the whole orgasm. Ejaculation is only crucial for fertilizing an egg, which is not essential to orgasm and pleasure. In fact, it can be detrimental to extended pleasure. Of course, a really splendid ejaculation via a fully erect penis, with insertion or without, can feel wonderful and can be a fitting end to the sexual experience. It just is not necessary.

I have to admit that throughout my life I have been an ejaculator; that is, I’ve almost always finished a sexual act, whether with my partner or with myself, by ejaculating. Since I’ve been writing this book I’ve been practicing not finishing every masturbation session with an ejaculation. This has enabled me to masturbate more often for short periods, and when I have sex with Vera I actually feel more than ever before. In one sense I’m not really masturbating, as I am not doing any stroking, just using the touches we have described. I guess some people would call it fore-masturbation. There is a time and place for all kinds of sexual and sensual experiences, and hopefully we are adding to what you are already doing by giving you some new and different options. If you are doing these things already, we are certainly putting our stamp of approval on them.

For Gals

As we’ve stated, women can feel a lot of pleasure and even be orgasmic simply by focusing their attention on their genitals. Of course, this does not preclude touching themselves, whether with their own hand, water, or some other object. Here we present you with a few ideas for practicing various touches. Create a space where you will not be disturbed so you can play with yourself without anyone bothering you. Bear in mind that it is still important to focus your attention on your pleasure areas when you are touching yourself. A woman’s clitoris has more nerve endings than any other place on her body and therefore has the potential for generating the most sensation. In addition, there are other areas nearby that have a lot of nerve endings, too; these include the perineum, the inner vulval lips, the introitus, and the anus. Really, a woman’s entire genital region is quite sensitive, and a woman can play with any one of these areas.

Through your clothing, through your panties, or directly on your naked body, you can touch whatever area you feel like touching. Again, the goal is to feel as much as you can for a short time and then to remove your hand. The more you can approve of any positive sensations you feel, the better your ability to increase the amount of sensation. So touch, feel, remove, and enjoy. Repeat this sequence for as long as it is fun to do so. You can touch the same spot over and over or move to a new spot whenever you like. If touching a specific spot feels great, it is okay to keep your hand there for as long as the wonderful sensation lasts.

As we’ve said, a woman can direct pleasure to her genitals without having to fantasize or be touched. You can combine this pleasurable, targeted attention with touches to make the sensations even more exquisite. Turn on an area or spot by placing your attention on it, feel the sensations, and then touch it to add even more feeling. Approve of all sensation you experience. Then remove your hand and start over again, if you would like to do so. Another activity is to squeeze your clitoris through the hood, using two fingers, to squeeze and release. The clitoris can actually receive a great deal of pressure and still feel fantastic. Do not squeeze with too much pressure at first; gradually increase the pressure each time you squeeze. You do not have to remove your fingers after each squeeze; just back off and then repeat with added pressure. Learn which amount of pressure you most prefer. Notice if you have any engorgement in the area.

Some women feel that their clitoris is too sensitive to be touched at all. Some of these women can accept having the clitoris touched through the hood, while others may be afraid to do even that. In our research we have not met any women who, after some training, continued to reject having their clitoris touched directly or through the hood. Reaching this point can take time, so if you feel very sensitive, go slowly and cautiously and you will learn to accept more and more sensation there. This is your time to experiment. Go as fast or as slow as you wish. Use as much pressure as feels good to you. As you treat yourself respectfully with regard to your feelings, your attitude about your sensitivity will begin to change.

Try pulling and stretching your genitals in any direction and using any amount of pressure that feels good. You can spread apart your inner labia (labia minora) using two hands, or you can put pressure on your mons pubis, above the clitoris, pulling upward and pushing into the body using varying amounts of pressure. You can pull your hood back and expose your clitoris with one hand or both hands, using one or more fingers. Again, this is your playtime, so experiment with every method of exposing the clitoris that you can think of. Feel the air flowing over your clitoris as you reveal it from its covering. Try exposing your clitoris and then, with your other hand, touch the clitoral head for just a brief moment. If you are able to do so, check out how it feels to touch different areas of your clitoris. We like to divide the head of the clitoris into quadrants: the upper and lower left and the upper and lower right.

There is also an upper middle and a lower middle, as well as a bottom area. You can touch each of these using different amounts of pressure and from different angles. Everyone’s clitoris is different. Some women have larger ones that are easier to divide into areas, and some women have very small ones that are impossible to divide up, except for maybe left and right sides. What is important here is to see how your clitoris likes to be touched and, if possible, to discover what part of your clitoris feels best when touched and what kinds of pressure you prefer. There is no wrong or right way to touch yourself. Just experiment with brief touches—no stroking yet.

Notice the wetness of your inner lips and introitus with the tip of your finger, or even with your full finger placed parallel to the labia. Touch with any part of your finger, the underside or the edge. You can use your knuckles, or the base of your palm, or any part of your hand, front or back or side. Check out the top of your labia where they almost touch the clitoris. To test the sensation in smaller areas, like a specific spot on your labia, it is best to use your fingertip. Compare the sensation between the lower and middle portion of your inner labia. Determine which areas are most sensitive and which feel the most pleasure when touched.

For Both Men and Women

A type of touch that both men and women can enjoy is to briefly stroke the inner thighs. Place a hand palm-down on each thigh. Or, rather than using the palm, you can use the back of the hand. The action is more of a stroke than just a touch or a squeeze, but no lubrication is necessary as this is not erectile tissue.

Starting from the genital area, quickly and fairly lightly stroke downward toward the knee. You can also start near the knee and stroke upward toward the genitals. The goal, again, is to feel as much as possible in a short time. After stroking once or twice, take a break and appreciate any sensations. Repeat the stroking action if it feels good to you. You can also place your fingers on your thighs, pads down, and press without stroking. It can be fun to get close to your genitals without touching them and press inward on the inner thigh, alternating between left and right. This can set up a kind of link between the thighs, causing wonderful sensations to pass through the genitals. Use two, three, or four fingertips on each thigh, and press for just a second. Then release and do the same on your other thigh. You can try touching different spots on your inner thighs, moving your hands closer and then farther away from your genitals in a kind of teasing manner.

You can vary the pressure to determine what feels best. You can alternate between pressing and lightly stroking. We want you to learn how to feel pleasure from many kinds of tactile stimulation, and we want you to increase your ability to feel from the very first moment of contact. The touching, coupled with your focused attention, will create greater pleasurable sensations, especially the more you practice these exercises.

Many other body parts enjoy being touched by you or by someone else. It can be very pleasurable to briefly touch your stomach or neck. I love pressing down on my lower abdomen with quite a bit of pressure and then releasing the pressure and repeating the action following a regular rhythm. Doing this feels good before I start masturbating and feels even better after I have been masturbating for some time. Again, experiment with different amounts of pressure.

The anal area is endowed with many nerve endings, containing the second highest concentration of nerve endings after the penis or clitoris. Touching the anal area can feel wonderfully sensational. With or without lubricant, you can play around with the whole area using varying amounts of pressure, different types of squeezes, and one or more fingers. Try doing this through your clothing or underwear or even naked. Start by touching yourself at a fair distance from your anus, and gradually move your touches closer. Some people may be squeamish about the anus, so respect your own personal boundaries. Penetration is not necessary here. These exercises are meant to be enjoyed. Sometimes it is okay to push your envelope further than you think you would like, and other times you know when you are going too far.